Frank is not clever

But he is mildly amusing.

Anyhow, until I go full on tmi and start using Twitter, anyone who wants to know what's happening with me will have to go on Facebook. I joined because I'm helping plan our high school reunion, and I find that I like updating my status to amuse myself. Which is why I blogged to begin with. And I can do the Facebook thing from my mobile.

So, no more blog. Again. Sorry, Frank. You're the only one reading anyhow.

I spit in the face of danger!

Big tornado warnings here in Georgia this evening. I know I'm asking for a big karmic ass-kicking, but I never think that I'll be the one affected by the tornado, or hail, or frost, or whatever. So since Michael is out tonight for some big work dinner, me and the kids went out after dinner (and I confess, one vodka and soda) to play in the rain.

Personally, I think it sucked.

But OHMIGOSH did the kids LOVE playing in the rain. "Look, mommy, my booty is soaking wet." "Look, mommy, my shoes are wetter than the puddle!"

So, since we didn't die in a tornado, and the kids weren't watching tv, I count it a successful evening of child-rearing.

Stryper lyrics for Shari. Just trying to remind her that she's JEWISH.

More Than A Man
Long ago, there was a man who came / Came and died for you / You, you say you don't want to know / But I've got to tell you the truth / (chorus) / God, I will follow you because you died for me / Gave to me your life to set me free / Anyone who asks shall receive / Jesus in your heart / It's time for you to start / Giving God all the glory / More than a man, God almighty / He created you / He's the One, the One who rules the land / He is the One I choose / (chorus) / (bridge) / All of the glory today / No matter what some people say / All of your faith / And your life will start to change / (chorus x2)

I'm rubber; you're glue.

Today my sister called my blog stupid. So in retaliation, I offer the following little known facts about her.

• She listened to Stryper in high school.
• She can't pull off the rattail haircut, although god knows she tried for at least three years.
• She's a virgin. Okay, probably not true. But she refuses to talk to me when I say words like vibrator, discharge, or vagina so if she IS having sex, I can't imagine anyone is enjoying it.
  

My sister sent me and our parents an email today asking for our medical history. I figured my parents would give incomplete information, so I decided to help fill in some gaps.

Dad: suffers from severe mental illness. Symptoms: he thinks he's funny, must always tell the same story at least three times, and revises family history as he sees fit. He also has a severe hearing loss which prevents him from hearing you when you tell him to stop talking.

Mom: suffers from severe mental illness. Symptoms: she thinks she's always right, forgets everything ever told to her, and only thinks something has value if it costs under 10 dollars or over 1,000. She also has a severe hearing loss which prevents her from hearing anything she disagrees with and causes all mood stabilizers she takes to stop working.

If only Michael would ask for my help filling in the gaps for HIS family's medical history.

My daughter the rock star. Scary, right?

(for those who don't know: she's on the left)

How all my conversations with Keith go.

me: i need you
verdantmug: Please leave a message at the beep. BEEP.
me: yo i have to create a lag b'omer tshirt and i had wanted a funny little phrase
but you know, it's effing lag bomer
verdantmug: i love me some lag b'omer
verdantmug: what's the sentiment you wanna get across?
me: i was at the lag b'omer picnic with all the other cool people
verdantmug: what do people do on lag b'omer? besides count down to shavuout
How about: Lag Ba'Omer? More like Lag Ba'Awesome!
verdantmug: this is a tough one. it's a holiday about counting. How about: Count me in for Lag Ba'Omer Or you could steal a line from that movie American Dreamz: You've been Omer-ized!
me: that was seriously the worst movie ever
verdantmug: it had its moments
me: uuch
verdantmug: quaid was funny
me: the movie sucked. sucked. sucked.
verdantmug: okay okay okay
me: but guess what new show i love?
verdantmug: gossip girl?
me: old news
verdantmug: no idea
me: celebra-cadabra
verdantmug: what the hell is that?
me: celebrities trying to be magicians !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
verdantmug: no WAY
me: vh1, baby
verdantmug: awesomely stupid
me: c. thomas howell carnie wilson
verdantmug: I'm about to Gag Ba'Omer
me: better than rock of love 2
verdantmug: eesh american idol is the only reality tv i watch
me: i hate that show. even with bad tv we don't agree!
verdantmug: how about: I'm Lag Ba'Over it
me: yeh, great. how bout give me something i can use already?
me: just call me a nag b'omer
verdantmug: if it was online, it'd be blog ba'omer
me: and if it was homer simpson it would say lag D'ohmer
verdantmug: lag ba'homer
if it was kermit, it'd be frog ba'omer
you can come to a picnic and be a hog ba'omer
me: and if there were races it would be Jog b'omer*
verdantmug: in the park, you can walk your dog ba'omer
me: ok. no more. you win
verdantmug: if you were doing someone in england, it'd be called a snog ba'omer
verdantmug: come to the park and pack a bag ba'omer
me: constipated? drop a log b'omer

*I know, I know. This one is barely funny. Sorry. Keith is hard to keep up with...I try too hard to impress him with how funny I am..